self-examination
Jun. 18th, 2019 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katriona_sWhen we look back our life we tend to say like this - "I could have done this" or "I should have done that", and "I'd like to do that" about the things we are interested in. What we really need is not saying like this but just doing it, and showing the result. But we tend to just chatting about these countless things we "should have done" and never start. I have to confess that this is MY bad habit. When I think about my life and analyse the problems I have at the moment I really tend to just list the things I have never done before but should have tried, and cannot find time and energy to DO them. I know it well and always think that I have to start at once, still I'm hopelessly lazy.
And recently when I was chatting with my friend about those things I'd like to do, my friend took my words as complaint and preached at me rather condescendingly. It discouraged me a lot, for I had no intention to complain, to me it was just a chatting or frankly at that time I couldn't find good topics to talk about and told her some thought happened to have occurred to me. Though this experience filled me with bitter regret for telling a friend about this fruitless thought, for having such a friend who doesn't understand me and make use my careless talk to superior to me, for not stopping the meaningless conversation and saying her good-bye, and above all, for myself who have not use the precious time to do the things I really want to and should do for year and years. Because I am such lazy person, my friends would disdain me in their heart perhaps.
I know where I should start but am not sure I'd be able to do it. At least I should not post such depressive thought here and instead start something fruitful. I post this just to scold myself.
And recently when I was chatting with my friend about those things I'd like to do, my friend took my words as complaint and preached at me rather condescendingly. It discouraged me a lot, for I had no intention to complain, to me it was just a chatting or frankly at that time I couldn't find good topics to talk about and told her some thought happened to have occurred to me. Though this experience filled me with bitter regret for telling a friend about this fruitless thought, for having such a friend who doesn't understand me and make use my careless talk to superior to me, for not stopping the meaningless conversation and saying her good-bye, and above all, for myself who have not use the precious time to do the things I really want to and should do for year and years. Because I am such lazy person, my friends would disdain me in their heart perhaps.
I know where I should start but am not sure I'd be able to do it. At least I should not post such depressive thought here and instead start something fruitful. I post this just to scold myself.